Home : How to Stop Your Clothes From Smelling of Vaginas, Bum Cracks, and Testicles

A few years ago when I had a really effective front-loading washing machine, I noticed that sometimes the clothes that I wore during workouts—board shorts, quick drying t-shirts, and underpants—would develop a poopy smell that would not wash out. I came to understand that this was the smell of mold growth and the waste products of that mold. I had a theory that if I could get the non-visible, but smelly substances out of the clothes, then I could also remove the smell.

I had also struggled with my sheets and pillow cases becoming greasy from my skin oil. They would get so impregnated with grease that washing would not remove the darkened areas. I found that soaking the sheets in a strong oxygen bleach solution for 12 to 24 hours, before washing, completely dissolved the grease.

So I experimented with soaking my moldy gym clothes for a day or two in oxygen bleach before washing, and I discovered that it completely removed the moldy smell. It salvaged good quality clothing that would otherwise have gone in the trash. When I recently tried using the same soaking technique with my pants, I found that they smelled super-clean after washing.

All my life, the armpits of my old t-shirts have been discolored with a white stain from aluminum-based anti-perspirant. This seemed to stop happening after I started using a natural deodorant. Then, not too long ago, I had noticed, when folding my t-shirts, that they had slightly darker marks in the armpits. Around the same time, I also noticed that when my armpits would sweat at work, they would immediately have a musky, body-odor (B.O.) smell. I thought that this was normal, or at least I thought that my body was generating the smell. Friends even told me that the smell was due to something in my diet.

So when I tried applying the soaking technique to my t-shirts, I was elated to discover that the dark stains in the armpits went away completely. I was also very surprised to discover that my armpit B.O. problem was mostly eliminated. My armpits often sweat, but they don’t smell bad.

At this point, I tried soaking all of our clothing that has close skin contact or absorbs bodily fluids, and I discovered even more miracles: I never thought it was possible to fully remove the marks from the gussets of women’s underpants. Yes, I just wrote that. My daily tasks don’t only involve advancing artificial intelligence technology. After soaking and washing Cindy’s underpants using the technique, they dried looking (and smelling) 100% brand-new.

It goes even further: I always thought that having smelly feet was normal and unavoidable. If I took my shoes off in polite company, I had developed a strategy of slowly removing them, first lifting out one heel, and then after a while the whole foot, and then repeating with the other shoe. I theorized that by releasing the pungent aroma in gradual increments, I would both reduce the instantaneous aromatic load, thereby evading detection, and also condition the olfactory senses of those present in the same way that it’s possible to boil a frog alive by slowly turning up the heat. Even though anyone entering the room would be instantly appalled, those present would be blissfully ignorant of the stench emanating from my sweat-drenched socks. So, I also tried the soaking technique on my socks, and I was surprised to discover that my feet stopped smelling.

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