DIY : I tried to give myself a haircut and here’s what happened.
Aim: Give myself a haircut and look presentable at the end.
Things required: A bathroom. Trimmer. Multiple mirrors. Shaveable head, full of hair.
> Privacy. (My roommate was out of town and only now knows that I did this. Hi dude! Also, #GDPR because that thing’s everywhere now)
> Motivational music so you don’t freak out half way and end up looking like a blithering idiot. In my case I decided to watch Baasha,(Yeah, I decided to multitask) because I have no idea why, and Hey, Thalaivar da!
Now in my case I was going for the almost bald look which, to quote myself, is “easy peasy!”. But if you’re going for something fancier, please make sure your friends see how it goes. Because you will mess up, and your friends will have a good time laughing at you.
So I was going for the semi-bald, or the Inba, as I like to call it .
I started out with the sides and I suggest you do the same. Because if you want to stop halfway, you can(or at least the barber can) fade it out and still make you look not-so-ugly.
If that doesn’t make sense to you, think of the alternative: starting out with the middle. There are a lot of ways this can go wrong.
>Your trimmer might run out of juice and there could be a power outage.
>Someone could knock on the door (WTF! Not now Swiggy delivery!)
>Someone could be sneaking into your house and might look at you and leave.
>Actually that last one’s good for you.
We don’t want to be stupid, do we now? That’s the last thing we want, bros!
So start with the sides.
That’s a real thing. Not at all made up. It’s when you try to cut your own hair and start wondering mid way what the hell you are doing with your life.
Here’s what you do:
Step 1 – Cry it out.
Step 2 – Don’t decide to stop. You’re not eating soup, you’re cutting your damn hair. Also, this is where the motivational music comes to save you. For me it was right about the time Manickam is tied to the pole and is hit continuously by the thugs, and he still carries on with his life as if nothing happened.
Step 3 – Experiment. Here’s an opportunity for you to try out anything you want. Any hairstyle. ANYTHING.
Wanna know what it looks like to have your initials spelt out on your forehead? Try it out. No one’s looking.
Wanna try the Ronaldo? YES we can, brothers! Yes. We. Can.
I was always curious how I would look with a mohawk. And let’s just say, that, and a lot of other curiosities were sufficiently satiated. And no, mohawks are not for me. Been there. Done that.
Step 4 – Once you’re done fooling around, get back to reality.
Yes, I know. We all want to roam around, make an appearance with the hairstyles that make us look like Rockstars, Holloywood heroes,Soccer Superstars, and Paul Pogba. But we have other things to worry about. By the way, did you notice the huge pile of hair that’s all over the floor?
As a famous hair-stylist once said, “A snip snip here. A snip snip there. Here a snip. There a snip. Everywhere a snip snip.”
Keep going. The end is nigh. Soon, you will look fashionable AF, and you can beam with pride that you did that to yourself.
Or you can fail miserably. But positive thoughts people! COME ON!
Pro-tip: Use the mirrors to find out what’s going on at the back. What you don’t see might surprise you!
Before you can say “Tada!” and throw out the trimmer, take a closer look everywhere. Now and again you might spot that once piece-of-shit strand that crops up out of nowhere. Trim that sucker down!
I was particularly surprised at how skilful I was at this, until I put on my glasses. The sight was particularly repulsive, but I went snippity dooda on my whole head and it turned out rather well at the end.